MY GIFT TO YOU—GET YOUR FREE EBOOK—“THE 5-DAY JOURNEY TO CULTURAL AWARENESS”!
“How far is Spain from Ukraine?”
“If Russia fires a bomb at Ukraine, will it hit us?”
“Should we go back to live in the U.S. or to France if war comes to Spain?”
“Who’s winning the war?”
“Are people dying?”
“What’s the news today?”
“What’s a nuke?”
My 9-year-old son, Pierre, has bombarded us with questions since the war against Ukraine started. When we pick him up in the car from school, while having his after-school snack, during our family dinners, when we pray before going to bed . . . he has questions.
The world has suddenly become a scary place to my little boy.
Too Many Questions!
“He’s asking too many questions,” his older brother, Timothee, said last night at the dining room table. “A 9-year-old shouldn’t know about these things.”
I paused. I questioned. I wondered. I doubted.
“How much should my child know about war? About the sad reality of our world?”
Pierre reads children’s books, books that paint a beautiful, happy picture of the world “out there”—the world he loves to explore, the world I love to explore.
People of different colors and races, foods with different spices and flavors, smells with different . . . well, odors (good and bad!), languages with different sounds and accents.
The world is a big and beautiful place.
In my book, “The Boy Who Weaves the World,” my son, Pierre, is the main character. On the last page, he pulls out his colorful, rainbow threads that he has collected from around the world. Sitting at his mother’s weaving loom, he begins to tell the stories symbolized by each colored thread.
When he sees the world magically appear before his eyes, he exclaims, “It’s beautiful!”
Yes, the world is beautiful.
But today, it doesn’t seem that way.
A Scary Place
For my son, Pierre, and for people all around the globe, the world has become a scary place. Its beauty and its sacred differences and diversity of colors, ethnicities, countries, cultures, and languages are being used . . . and abused . . .
For WAR.
My son is scared. I am scared. The world is scared.
How Much Do We Tell Our Children?
So, how much do we tell our children?
I have grappled with this question more than once.
I can remember during the frightening days before our overnight evacuation from North Africa 12 years ago. We didn’t know what to tell our three children—ages 12, 10, and 4 at the time.
Should we tell them we are probably going to have to leave? Should we tell them their home, their world, their lives are about to be turned upside down? Should we tell them they will never be able to see their friends again? Should we tell them yesterday was their last day at school? Should we tell them they will no longer be immersed in the language and culture they love? Should we tell them they will never sleep in their favorite bed again?
Should we tell them to prepare them?
Or, should we not tell them and let them be surprised and ill-equipped if, what-seems-like the inevitable happens?
Hide or Tell?
When we were exposed to earthquakes in our country, terrorist attacks in our city, and robberies at our house . . . we had to ask ourselves . . .
What do we tell our children?
Do we hide them from truth, from the sad reality in order to protect them?
Or does hiding them from the truth and from the reality actually hurt them?
I don’t know. I’m not an expert. I’m not a child psychologist.
I’m only a mother of four boys, with my own experience. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I still don’t know what I’m doing. I’m still learning how to parent my 24-year-old son.
I do know, however, what I’ve done. I do know, however, what I’m doing.
In all these situations, I find a kid-friendly, age-appropriate way to be honest with my children and tell them the truth . . . even if it paints a somewhat sad picture of the world and makes it a somewhat scary place.
Doing My Best as a Mom
Last night at dinner, and all the other times Pierre has asked me a question about the war, I have done my best to answer him. I don’t want him to be afraid, but I do want him to know the truth of what’s going on. I don’t have to tell him all the gruesome details. There is a kid-friendly way to talk to a 9-year-old child about war. That way, he is prepared. That way, he can learn. That way, he can be moved. That way, he can know how to pray.
I have to find the right balance of being honest and truthful, while at the same time addressing the fears and concerns that may arise in my child’s heart and mind . . . that are very real.
Those fears are real for me, too, and I can be open and share my own thoughts and feelings with my child. It’s ok to tell him that I’m afraid of war too. That’s when we can sit together, cuddled up cozy in his bed, and pray.
We can pray, we can give, we can love, and we can watch from afar.
A Geography Lesson
One amazing thing Pierre has learned through this war is geography. When he heard about the war, he immediately looked on a map to see where Russia and Ukraine were. He then looked at all the places he calls “home,” to see where they were located in relation to Ukraine—Spain, the U.S. Morocco, and France.
We can’t be afraid of our kids’ questions. We can’t hide from them. We can’t shove them under the rug. We can’t avoid them. We can’t lie.
Pierre asks lots of questions . . . big ones . . . hard ones . . . ones I don’t know how to answer. Does anyone else out there have a kid like mine?
You may have read my story, “Answering My Child’s Questions About Human Trafficking.” One day, Pierre asked me a tough question, “Mommy, What’s A Safe House?” Shocked and stumbling with my words, I answered his question to the best of my ability in an age-appropriate, kid-friendly way. Then, I turned our mother-son conversation into a book. 🙂 If you haven’t read it, check it out.
Yes, the world is a scary place. We cannot hide that from our children. However, let’s remember to show them the beauty in this world as well. As we remind them, we will remind ourselves too. We can all use a shift in our worldview right now, couldn’t we?
Reading “Pierre’s World Traveling Adventures” is a great way to do that!
—The Cultural Story-Weaver
MY GIFT TO YOU—GET YOUR FREE EBOOK—“THE 5-DAY JOURNEY TO CULTURAL AWARENESS”!
Let’s Weave Cultures!
How do you talk openly and honestly with your kids about tough topics like war, human trafficking, death . . . ?
We invite you to tell us your own cultural stories and global adventures . . . as you engage with the world, breaking down barriers, building bridges, and “weaving cultures!” Write about them in the comment box below.
Do you need an educational resource to begin talking to your children about human trafficking—in an age-appropriate, kid-friendly way? Check out . . .
My mom has talked about the day I asked her about the Holocaust after reading a tiny blurb about concentration camps in a book about Einstein when I was in third or fourth grade. She said it was like watching a piece of my innocence go out the window as she explained. So grateful for her, and you, and all the parents who work so hard to navigate the tenous balance between protection and learning that, when done well, can lead to such great empathy <3
Thank you, Alyssa, for sharing your story. Perhaps that true, honest, and heart-felt mother/daughter conversation on that day was a part of you becoming the young woman you are today—with a beautiful heart for the broken in this world.