“It’s too hard for me,” I read. “I can’t come to say goodbye to you and the boys.”
It was a text message from my mother—one of the many “left behind.”
“It’s easier to say goodbye to you all through a telephone screen,” she continued.
I responded jokingly, “Just pretend we all still live on the same continent. We just don’t see each other very often—like every few years.”
It’s Not Funny
I tried to make light of it, but it wasn’t funny. It was hard—especially hard for those “left behind.”
“I understand,” I told my mother. “I know how hard it is for you. The kids will understand too.”
Those walking away and boarding the airplane feel the pulling up of deep roots. Our family feels the pain of saying goodbye to friends and family we love. We feel the loss and grief of closing the door to the place we have called “home” and grown to love—“The Land of the Familiar.” We feel it—deeply.
Those being “left behind,” however, feel it even more—even more deeply.
Joy and Excitement
Those leaving feel the pain of “goodbyes,” but they also feel the joy of “hellos.” They carry with them the excitement, the anticipation of their new life ahead. They stand on the bridge of the borderland. They can see beyond.
As we leave the “Land of the Familiar,” we are already looking ahead to the next land—the “Land of Unknown.” We are already dreaming of things to come, looking forward with great eagerness and expectation to our new life—to the many “firsts” lying just beyond the horizon.
When we left our “Land of the Familiar” of Pennsylvania just a few weeks ago, we were already looking ahead with great expectation to Spain. We could already see it clearly. We could already see our dear friends “over there”—waiting to greet us on the other side of the bridge. We could already hear the familiar sounds of the Spanish language. We could already feel the bright sunshine warming our cold and dry skin. We could already smell the fresh and sandy air of the Mediterranean Sea. We could already taste the delicious tapas.
Not Looking Ahead
Those “left behind” are not looking ahead. They can’t see it. They do not feel the joy of “hellos.” They only feel the pain of “goodbyes.” They are only living the painful “Days of Lasts.” They don’t feel the excitement of the “firsts.”
They stand still, in their same place, in their same “Land of the Familiar.”
They only see our backs—our backs turned to them, as we walk away—as we walk away into our new land and our new life.
They feel abandoned. They are those “left behind.”
I can recall when my mother would come to visit us when we lived in Europe and North Africa. When she was ready to board the airplane to return to the US, it wasn’t nearly as hard for her to say goodbye to us.
Why is that? Because she was the one leaving, and we were the ones staying—the ones being “left behind.”
She had enjoyed her two-week visit with her kids and grandkids. Now, she looked forward to going back to her house, her life, her culture, her doggy, her “home.”
She was the one leaving, not the one being “left behind.”
Being “left behind” is hard—really hard.
Building a Bridge of Connection
A “bridge” is needed between those “leaving” and those “left behind.”
Personally, I have found these things to be helpful.
—Stay in regular contact with those “left behind”—through texts, telephone calls, skype, etc.
—Share as much of your “new life” as you can with those “left behind.” Tell stories and send pictures, etc. so they can be a part of it, so that they can catch a glimpse of the new land that you see. It’s a way of turning around—turning towards those who are “left behind”—showing your face and not just your backside.
—Continue to express interest and concern in hearing about the lives of those “left behind.” Although they are still in the same place, new and exciting things are happening in their lives as well.
—Plan and talk about when you might see each other again. It helps to bridge the time and space between you as—together—you anticipate your next reunion. It gives you all something to look forward to.
All of this takes intentionality. It doesn’t happen accidentally.
Whether you are leaving or being “left behind,” parting ways is never easy.
Come Along!
I, personally, refuse to accept “out of sight, out of mind.” We can intentionally turn towards those we have “left behind” and bring them on our journey with us.
My hope and prayer is that my stories do that. It’s my way of turning my face towards you—towards those I love—my dear family and friends around the world.
Come along with me on my journey. Even though an ocean might separate us physically, you don’t have to be “left behind.”
—The Cultural Story-Weaver
Let’s Weave Cultures!
Have you ever been the one “left behind”? How did you feel? What would you add to this list of ways to build a bridge between those leaving and those “left behind”?
We invite you to tell us your own cultural stories and global adventures . . . as you engage with the world, breaking down barriers, building bridges, and “weaving cultures!” Write about them in the comment box below.
