MY GIFT TO YOU—GET YOUR FREE EBOOK—“THE 5-DAY JOURNEY TO CULTURAL AWARENESS”!
I can still hear my professor’s words of wisdom echoing in my ears and in my mind.
“It’s not better. It’s not worse. It’s just different.”
Vincent and I were both in graduate school, pursuing our Master’s Degrees in Inter-Cultural Studies. Many of our courses addressed the importance of being “Cultural Learners,” not “Cultural Critics.”
One of our professors, with decades of experience living and working with people of different languages and cultures around the world, shared these words of wisdom with his students. He shared story after story of how he had entered cross-cultural environments and had learned from the locals in the host culture—learned their beliefs, their behaviors, their values, their language, their customs, their traditions, their food . . .
He was the learner, not the teacher. He was the learner, not the critic.
This wise man entered these foreign lands, knowing that he knew absolutely nothing about their culture. He adopted the posture of a learner—asking questions, watching, and observing their way of life.
It was not difficult for him to recognize that their ways were not his ways. These people certainly did everything different in Indonesia than they did in America. However, this wise man was there to learn, not to teach. He was there to learn, not to judge.
Passing Down These Words to Our Children
As parents, we have passed these wise words down to our own children. From our earliest days in Morocco, I can remember our boys always comparing the Moroccans’ ways to the French ways or the American ways.
Vincent and I would always respond with the wise words of our professor.
“It’s not better. It’s not worse. It’s just different.”
These few words seemed to change our perspective and the way we viewed the world. Rather than judge, criticize, and compare, we suddenly saw the beauty in the difference, the intrigue in the diversity. Criticism shifted to curiosity. Judgment was replaced by learning.
Little by little, we added a few more words, and our family’s slogan became:
“It’s not better. It’s not worse. It’s not right. It’s not wrong. It’s just different.”
We reminded ourselves of this truth often—whenever we became frustrated and impatient with our host culture. When we couldn’t find the right ingredients to make “Grandma Esther’s Creamed Corn Casserole” for Thanksgiving, when we couldn’t find Christmas decorations to hang on our tree, when our guests arrived three hours late to our son’s birthday party, when the electricity was out for hours without notice, etc . . . we stood on these simple words, on this simple truth.
Our kids still use these powerful words, sometimes to remind us of this truth—when at times, we forget.
Sometimes We Forget
Sometimes, we forget. It often feels more natural to judge and criticize people and cultures who are different from us.
I can recall my early days in France as a foreign exchange student. Frustration and annoyance often plagued me. At first, I often found myself comparing my American way with the French way, believing that MY way was the BEST way—the SUPERIOR way.
I would judge and criticize the ways of life and behaviors of my host culture . . .
Why do the French eat so late in the evenings? I’m hungry at 5 p.m.!
Why don’t the university professors give us study guides for our exams like they do in America? Do I seriously have to prepare on my own?!
Why can’t I buy a loaf of bread that lasts for weeks like in the U.S.? Here, I have to throw out my baguette if I don’t finish it the day before!
A “Cultural Critic”
I was often a “Cultural Critic” as Marco Blankenburgh, founder of Knowledge Workx describes so well in his book, “Inter-Cultural Intelligence: From Surviving to Thriving in the Global Space.”
“A Cultural Critic is an individual who only looks at the world through his or her own culture. They typically see their own culture as the best and label other cultures on a scale below their own. They have a tendency to correct others and when they move internationally they typically surround themselves with people similar to themselves. A common behavior for Cultural Critics is they stereotype according to nationality, making generalized statements that are often negative. On the whole they like to avoid contact with other cultures when possible. Cultural critics are driven by fear and are uncomfortable out of their own niche. They may feel threatened by having to learn new things and may not want to consider relearning things that they feel they already know.”
Little by little, after living in France for awhile, I learned to accept the different ways of the French people. I learned to understand them by asking good questions. I learned to appreciate them and even adopted many of their cultural ways. I went from being a “Cultural Critic” to being a “Cultural Learner.”
A “Cultural Learner”
What exactly is a “Cultural Learner,” according to Blankenburgh?
“Cultural Learners are people who accept other cultures and are able to engage with other cultures through a healthy process of exploration. That doesn’t always mean that they agree with other behaviors, they just don’t judge things by their own cultural background. They are respectful, curious and ask open questions that seek to understand. Cultural Learners also have a way of truly stepping into somebody else’s shoes, to experience cognitively, emotionally and psychologically how another person thinks and feels.”
Blankenburgh goes on to describe “Cultural Learners” as those who are not uncomfortable or threatened by being a minority. They can feel at ease in a foreign environment, even if they are the only one who speaks their language or has a certain color of skin.
Alone in the Market
This reminds me of our years in Morocco. I would often go to the local “country” market (souk) on Wednesday mornings in my village. As I wandered through the aisles, I was typically the only foreigner present, the only white-skinned individual, and most likely the only one who could speak English. I never felt threatened, but absolutely loved going there by myself.
It was interesting to watch the merchants and the locals purchasing their fruit and vegetables for the week. I would often trail behind a mother and her child, observing and attempting to . . . “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
Thankfully, I could speak Arabic. The local vendors were respectful and pleased that I loved their language and culture. Even if I made lots of bloopers along the way, they would just laugh and smile with me. They appreciated my questions of curiosity and were always patient to answer and to help me understand their local life.
It’s so much more enjoyable to be a “Cultural Learner” rather than a “Cultural Critic”!
Awareness, Understanding, Appreciation . . . it helps us break down cultural barriers and build cultural bridges.
—The Cultural Story-Weaver
MY GIFT TO YOU—GET YOUR FREE EBOOK—“THE 5-DAY JOURNEY TO CULTURAL AWARENESS”!
Let’s Weave Cultures!
Are you a “Cultural Learner” or a “Cultural Critic”? In Blankenburgh’s book, “Inter-Cultural Intelligence: From Surviving to Thriving in the Global Space,” there is a 10 question Pop-Quiz, with assessment, as well as some advice in how to awaken the “Cultural Learner” inside of you. Stay tuned!
We invite you to tell us your own cultural stories and global adventures . . . as you engage with the world, breaking down barriers, building bridges, and “weaving cultures”! Write about them in the comment box below.
