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Raising kids “across cultures” can be fun, challenging, and yes, even very confusing . . . for them and for us!
When our boys (only three of them at the time!) were nine, seven, and two, we returned to the US to spend the summer months with my American family. During that time, they enjoyed spending time with their long-lost cousins who enjoyed fishing, running around barefoot, playing with chickens, and belching loudly in public!
Our boys quickly picked up the exciting habit of burping out loud. Well, exciting for them! They failed to forget that their father, being French, was much more “proper” in his bodily functions and found the less-than-discreet sounds emanating from his children’s mouths to be quite shocking.
This was contrary to the way French children were to be raised!
In our home, or in public with us, we continually reminded our children that this behavior was inappropriate . . . much to their dismay.
If a burp slipped out unexpectedly and audibly, we would gently nudge them in their recollection by asking, “What do you say?” They would typically respond with the culturally appropriate, “Excuse me” or “Excusez-moi,” depending on who they were speaking to . . . Mom or Dad.
But, culturally appropriate WHERE?
Shortly after our return to our home in Morocco at the end of summer vacation, we were invited one afternoon to visit our local friends for tea and cookies. I would typically bring the boys along on my visits. They loved to drink mint tea, “etay” (sometimes the entire teapot!) and to savor the delicious local treats of warm Moroccan crepes called “m’simmons,” lathered with melted honey and butter.
Tim, our oldest son, was nine at the time. That afternoon, after playing outside in the dirt street with other Moroccan children, he came inside Ghadouge’s small village house to devour some freshly-made crepes and to gulp down multiple glasses of hot, sweet, mint tea. After washing down the last bite, he opened his mouth. Much to my horror, a very loud, rolling, eternal, boisterous burp erupted from the pit of his stomach! I almost had a heart attack as my mind and heart swelled with embarrassment and disbelief.
Quickly turning to my impolite and uneducated child, my eyes were open wide and my eyebrows raised to the ceiling of my forehead. With a more than stern voice, I said, “Tim, what do you say?” I don’t even recall which language I used to ask my question. Was it English? French? Arabic? In any case, Tim understood me, and he knew exactly how to respond . . .
“Al-hamdu-li-llah!” (Arabic: الحَمْدُ للهِ )
In response to Tim, my Moroccan friend, Ghadouge, echoed loudly, “Al-hamdu-li-llah,” meaning “Praise be to God!”
I was suddenly shaken awake to the reality that I was no longer in my American or French cultural context, but I was back “home” in my Arab environment . . . the culture and land where Tim and our other children had been raised during some of their most formative years. Of course, Tim would verbally express praise and thanksgiving for the food and drink that he had just enjoyed in the home of our local hosts. It was absolutely culturally appropriate!
Arab culture was rich in hospitality and had it down to an art. Our Moroccan friends, even those who could not afford to eat meat, would generously give of everything they had to honor the guests who would walk through their door.
It was the greatest honor of the cook if his or her guests would express their love and appreciation for the meal by a loud belch, followed by the verbal expression of “Al-hamdu-li-llah!”
And, don’t just think that the men do it. The women actually seem to have louder and deeper belches than the men. My mind will never let me forget the first time I heard my sweet, elderly, petite Moroccan friend “let it rip!” I tried hard to remain calm and collect, in between my overwhelming feelings of shock and disgust.
After the belch, the instigator must proudly proclaim “Al-hamdu-li-llah” following the act. In return, others within hearing will echo his or her praises to God, by replying “Al-hamdu-li-llah!” The Arab cook could actually be offended if no one offers praises to God through this culturally-appropriate expression! It is truly music to their ears and represents great honor.
Following Ghadouge’s reply of “Al-hamdu-li-llah,” Tim turned to me and grinned mischievously. He knew that I was trapped. I replied, “Al-hamdu-li-llah,” and we all began to chuckle.
Ghadouge was delighted, and so was Tim. I, on the other hand, was already planning in my mind the discussion that I would have with Tim about cultural inappropriateness.
But once again, were my kids American? French? Moroccan?
Their home was in Morocco, so they probably felt more Moroccan than anything else. What could I expect? My son was actually being culturally appropriate.
In this story, along with all the others, I have had to remind myself and my children that . . .
It’s not good, it’s not bad. It’s not better, it’s not worse . . . it’s just different!
Raising kids “across cultures” can be fun, challenging, and yes, even very confusing . . . for them and for us! Thankfully, this confusion leads to great learning that can help us all to become more-informed, global travelers and greater global citizens in our world. This learning breaks down cultural barriers between us and bridges our worlds.
—The Cultural Story-Weaver
Let’s Weave Cultures!
What are some of the things you have found strange, and perhaps even offensive in other cultures . . . even though they are entirely appropriate in THAT culture?
We invite you to tell us your own cultural stories and global adventures . . . as you engage with the world, breaking down barriers, building bridges, and “weaving cultures!” Write about them in the comment box below.
