Yesterday was David’s 14th birthday. At the end of our busy and happy day full of parties, soccer games, cakes, goodies, and birthday wishes, we sat in front of the television to watch some old videos of David growing up.
Scrambling to find the first years’ videos, we finally came across his 2nd birthday party in Morocco. It was so much fun to watch the videos and to reminisce about those “good ‘ole days.” It was great (and hilarious!) to see our friends from the past. We all looked so young—and so skinny!
David had lots of little friends and their parents surrounding him as he blew out his two little candles on his Elmo cake. There must have been more than 20 people packed into our house that day. It was a memorable and fun celebration!
Once again, we were celebrating a birthday on the other side of the world.
Where Was My Family?
I scanned the video, however, for my family. Yes, there were lots of friends who had become “family” to us while living abroad—local Moroccan friends and “expat” (foreign) friends like us from around the world. However, there was no family—no blood relatives.
In the videos and pictures, I couldn’t find David’s Nana, his Grandpa, his Mémé, his Pépé, his aunts, his uncles, his cousins, his great-grandparents. They were nowhere to be found. Everyone was on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean or on the other side of the Mediterranean Sea.
Our family was on the other side of the world.
Last night, I started thinking about David’s life of 14 years. He is our third child—one of four boys.
My mother, my sister, and my niece of 4 months were present at his birth in the U.S. Then, at 2 weeks of age, we returned to our overseas home in Morocco. I cannot recall my family being present at any of David’s birthday celebrations while we lived in North Africa and in France. Yes, they faithfully called, sent cards, mailed packages, etc. each year. They never forgot!
But, they were never there. They were never present.
Our life and our choices to live on the other side of the ocean left them little choice and little opportunity to be a part of our children’s birthday milestones.
They are the ones “left behind.” They didn’t choose this. We did.
However, they are not in the “Pool of Forgotten Ones.” We long to be with them and wish they were here—each and everyday.
For each birthday, for each year, I would send as many pictures and videos as I could to my family so that they could be a part of the festivities too.
But, I know . . . it’s just not the same. Experiencing and seeing things through a screen just isn’t the same.
David’s birthday is in October, which meant that even when we returned to the U.S. for summer vacation every other year, we never got to celebrate his birthday with my American family. We would often have an “early birthday” party for David.
But . . . it’s just not the same. No matter how hard we try, it’s just not the same.
Vincent’s family, on the other hand, would try to make it to as many birthday celebrations as possible. They often flew from France to Morocco, or drove down from Paris to southern France when we lived in the same country. I am thankful that David’s French Mémé and Pépé were able to be there to celebrate his life as much as possible throughout the years.
The Same Story
The same story has been true for our other boys. Timothee’s birthday is in April. Robert’s birthday is in March. Sometimes, we would try to have a “belated birthday” celebration with my American family while we were in the U.S. for the summer holidays.
But . . . it’s just not the same.
Pierre, on the other hand, is blessed to have his birthday on Christmas Eve! This means that he is spoiled rotten with double the gifts—Christmas and birthday all crammed together in 24 hours! We are careful to celebrate his “BIRTHDAY” on Christmas Eve morning with a fun breakfast party, “birthday” wrapping paper, and a special activity for him until late that afternoon. Our family then transitions to “CHRISTMAS EVE” traditions and celebrations in the evening. It’s a challenge, but we do everything that we can to celebrate Pierre’s life on that special day.
A Christmas Eve Birthday?!
One of the perks of having a Christmas Eve birthday means that you will probably have some family at your party! Pierre’s Nana was present for his birth in France. His Nana, aunt, uncle, and cousins were also present for his 5th and 6th birthdays while we were in the U.S. last year. Pierre’s French grandparents have been present at all of his birthdays except for the last two—while we were in the U.S. He has also had the joy of having all three of his brothers—including his two big brothers—at ALL of his birthday parties.
David and Robert have not always had their big brothers present. Our older boys have lived and studied abroad since the age of 16. Timothee went to high school in Germany and Senegal, then to the university in Germany. Robert went to high school in Senegal and then to the university in England.
On the other hand, Timothee and Robert are almost always home for Christmas vacation. So, Lucky Duck Pierre gets the WHOLE family to watch him blow out his birthday candles!
At the young age of 7, he doesn’t fully comprehend the rare and rich blessing that this is for our cross-cultural family!
Blessed Beyond Measure!
Yesterday, we celebrated David’s 14 years of life. No, he didn’t have his grandparents, his aunts, his uncles, and his cousins with him. He didn’t have his two big brothers with him who are scattered across the globe.
As much as we miss our family on the other side of the world, I don’t know how much it affects my children. Perhaps it affects me more than them. Growing up, I knew what it was like to have my grandparents and my extended family close by for holidays and birthday events. Now, I know what it feels like to not have that anymore. I feel the grief. I feel the pain.
My children have never experienced that.
This is the life they have always known. It’s the life of a “TCK” (Third Culture Kid).
As I wrote in my story, “Celebrating My Birthday on the Other Side of the World,” “TCK” (“Third Culture Kid”) is a term coined by David Polluck in his book, “Third Culture Kids—Growing Up Among Worlds.”
“A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.”
David C. Pollock
Yesterday, everyone called David to give him their birthday wishes, to sing “Happy Birthday” in multiple languages, and to see if David had received their gifts and cards in the mail. His best friends in the U.S. and in France sent videos, gifts, and called him to chat.
At his birthday party, David was surrounded by new friends that he has made here in Spain during the past three months. He was also surrounded by old friends that he grew up with in Morocco and who now live here. These special friends are “family” to us—like brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles. David was surrounded by his mother, his father, his little brother, and his favorite traveling dog—Bernie.
Yes, it’s hard to celebrate an overseas birthday without our family. But, may we never forget how blessed and loved we are!
—The Cultural Story-Weaver
Let’s Weave Cultures!
Have you (or your loved ones) ever celebrated a birthday on the other side of the world—far from friends and family? What was it like for you (or for them)? How did you make it special? What did your friends and family do to make it a special day for you? If you know someone on the other side of the world, how can you reach out to them on their birthday so that it’s not such a lonely celebration?
We invite you to tell us your own cultural stories and global adventures . . . as you engage with the world, breaking down barriers, building bridges, and “weaving cultures”! Write about them in the comment box below.
