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August 12, 2020
Today is my birthday. Thankfully, our family is not still in quarantine. We have already celebrated three “quarantine birthdays,” and that is enough!
No, we are far from quarantine. We are on the beautiful Mediterranean coast in southern Spain, enjoying a few days of vacation with some friends.
It is beautiful. It is relaxing. It is my birthday.
This year, I’m not alone. I’m surrounded by dear friends who are like family, my husband, and all four of my boys. However, somehow, it still feels lonely. It’s strange.
I’m still separated from my friends and family on the other side of the world, and I can feel it.
This morning, I opened up a sweet birthday card from my mother, sent all the way from America, arriving the day before we left on our vacation. (My precious mother never forgets!)
Then, my husband and I hiked up the steep hill to a little café overlooking the cliffs and the turquoise waters. We enjoyed a traditional Spanish breakfast of tostada con tomate, café con leche, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
My gift to myself—I looked out over the water while I wrote six pages in my journal. I wrote about aging and dreaming.
I then did a little birthday shopping—bought myself a fresh, crisp journal to collect stories from my new year of life. Then, we took a quick dip in the community swimming pool of our rental apartment complex.
This afternoon, after lunch, we will hike down to a secluded cove to swim and do some snorkeling. Later tonight, we will look for one of my favorite foods—Moroccan or Chinese—in a restaurant on the boardwalk before coming home for a birthday “stack” of Papa Vincent’s Famous French Crêpes with too many candles to count.
It will be fun. It will be nice. It will be a celebration.
However, looking out over the sea this morning reminds me of the distance, the space, the waters that still separate me from my family and friends on this day.
Today, I’m celebrating my birthday on the other side of the world—once again.
I just read my story from last year . . . here it is . . . things haven’t changed. I still feel the same way.
August 12, 2019
“Do you realize that we have spent my last two birthdays together? What a rare gift that was,” I wrote to my mother in a text on my phone.
She quickly responded by sending pictures that she had taken of us together the past two years.
That was the only present I needed—my mother, my family, nothing else. No other gifts needed. Well, I take that back. If I’m in the US, I often request some of my favorite things . . . Dr. Pepper and a giant pile of maple-frosted donuts with a candle on top. It makes the best birthday cake ever, and it’s so cheap and easy!
The past two years, other than maple-frosted donuts, I had one birthday request from my family . . . hiking and a picnic together—much to the dismay of my older sons. Thankfully, it was my special day, so they only rolled their eyes and sighed once—minimal complaining—then agreed to come along. David and Pierre, of course, were excited and ready for a new adventure—exploring new trails and discovering hidden waterfalls.
That’s Not Today
That was the past two years. That’s not today.
Today is my birthday, and I’m on the other side of the world again. We are back in Europe, which is such a gift. However, today is my birthday, and I wish that I could hang out with my family and friends in the U.S. Just for today—on my birthday.
There’s something lonely about celebrating your birthday on the other side of the world from most of your family and friends.
We are “lonely internationals.” It’s hard. I won’t pretend it’s not.
—You don’t get tons of “Happy Birthday” wishes. My birthday is in August as well, so the whole world seems to be “on holidays.” Who remembers someone’s birthday when you are off enjoying your family vacation time? It’s honestly hard to remember the birthdays of people you don’t see. “Out of sight, out of mind.” I forget people’s birthdays all the time!
—Most people you cross paths with during the day have no idea it’s your birthday, and if they did, they probably wouldn’t care.
—You feel really far from the people you love—family and friends who send you texts, emails, ecards, and bubble-wrapped, airmail packages.
—The time difference means that you may not hear from your mother (the one who will never forget your birthday!) until you are about ready to go to bed.
—Your adult children are often not living at home—also living on the other side of the globe. They may even forget to wish you “Happy Birthday,” because they live in another world far away.
—You strangely long to be “home,” even if you are incredibly happy with where you are and what you’re doing on the other side of the world. Yes, I admit, this “global nomad” feels homesick from time to time—on days like today.
—Today, I miss my “old life.” Birthday celebrations with family and friends will be added to my list of “All the Things I Will Miss.”
—Everything and everyone around you feels extremely “foreign” on this day—it’s the direct reaction to the unfamiliar homesickness that you feel today.
—You realize that you are growing older, and most of your close blood relatives and intimate friends aren’t there to watch and see the changes in you.
Yes, It Feels Lonely
My children have felt this loneliness and distance on their birthdays all of their lives.
It’s the life of a “TCK” (“Third Culture Kid”), a term coined by David Polluck in his book, “Third Culture Kids—Growing Up Among Worlds.”
“A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.”
David C. Pollock
My mother, “Nana” to our four boys, sadly realizes and reminds me regularly how she has missed almost all of her grandsons’ birthday celebrations. She intentionally connects with them through texts and FaceTime on their birthdays, and we often “Skype” with her so that she can join us for the time of singing “Happy Birthday” and SEE the kids blow out their candles.
However, it’s not the same as “being there” physically—together. She feels like she misses our major life milestones called “birthdays.”
I Am Thankful
I am thankful for the rare times when we have been back in the U.S. for summers and Christmas holidays. Unfortunately, my children’s birthdays fall in March, April, October, and December, so they are rarely celebrated together during our travels to see family.
Pierre is the lucky one. His birthday is on Christmas Eve, December 24. At first, I thought, “Wow, what a blessing to share a birthday with Jesus. However, it will be very challenging to celebrate both special days and events together.”
Now, I see nothing but beauty in it—a true gift and blessing to Pierre and to our family. On Christmas Eve, our home is almost always full of family and friends—no matter where we are in the world. Pierre’s big brothers are always home from college for Christmas break. Nana, Mémé, and Pépé are often around for visits, and friends are often gathered with us for Christmas Eve candlelight services at church.
Unlike Pierre, the rest of us aren’t usually surrounded by family and friends like that on our birthdays.
Today, I’m Okay
Today, I’m okay. I feel loved and remembered, even though I feel the distance between me and those I love on the other side of the world.
My mother had scheduled an e-card for me, delivered to my email box early this morning. She never forgets.
My parents, my in-laws, my sister and her family, my sweet friend in France, and my dear friends here in Spain and over there in the U.S. have already wished me “Happy Birthday” through social media. Some even mailed me cards and gifts across the ocean.
This morning, Vincent, Timothee, David, and Pierre took me out for a traditional Spanish breakfast—churros, chocolate, and café con leche—in a small village in the beautiful hill country. The Spanish waitress wished me “Happy Birthday” and sang to me in Spanish. That will have to be added to my list in the “Days of Firsts.”
We are now on our way to visit, hike, and picnic in a beautiful Spanish town called Segovia.
It’s a Beautiful Day
It’s a beautiful day. Although, I do miss Robert who left two days ago to return to his university in England. We chatted through texts earlier during the day, so my heart is full of love.
I also miss my mom. She will call as soon as she wakes up on the other side of the world—even if it will be close to my bedtime here in Europe.
Tonight, we will have a special dinner outside on our back porch in the cool, evening air. I will blow out A LOT of candles on my birthday cake. We will go for our routine paseo (evening stroll) with Samy in our new neighborhood.
I am happy. I have breath, life, a heartbeat, and deep inner joy from the love of God and my family and friends around the world.
As my mother always writes in her cards every year, “I wish that I could be with you to celebrate your birthday. I’m there with you celebrating in my spirit.” I know that she is, along with all of my family and friends on the other side of the world.
The only “gifts” I’m missing are Dr. Pepper, a one-pound bag of strawberry Twizzlers, and a pile of maple- frosted donuts for a birthday cake—my favorite things.
My mother has already tried multiple times to eat maple donuts for me vicariously. It’s just not the same when I watch her, through a phone, sitting in her car and eating one. She has also tried to bring them to me in Europe when she travels to visit me. However, after a 20-hour trip across the ocean, they aren’t so fresh anymore. They are also usually squashed when she finally digs them out of her purse to hand them to me.
“We haven’t
This morning, Pierre asked me what kind of birthday cake I wanted.
“A maple-frosted donut cake!” I said. We came up with a creative substitute. I found a local bakery with glazed donuts. So, after our hike, we will stop by, grab a dozen, and make frosting with the maple flavoring that my dear friend from Pennsylvania sent to me. We will frost those donuts, and voilà!
It’s a great day. It’s my birthday!
Today, as I celebrate my birthday on the other side of the world, I’ll just go ahead and sing “Happy Birthday” to myself—in Spanish, of course!
—The Cultural Story-Weaver
MY GIFT TO YOU—GET YOUR FREE EBOOK, “THE 5-DAY JOURNEY TO CULTURAL AWARENESS”!
Let’s Weave Cultures!
Have you ever celebrated your birthday on the other side of the world—far from friends and family? What was it like for you? How did you make it special? If you know someone on the other side of the world, how can you reach out to them on their birthday so that it’s not such a lonely celebration?
We invite you to tell us your own cultural stories and global adventures . . . as you engage with the world, breaking down barriers, building bridges, and “weaving cultures”! Write about them in the comment box below.
